Everything changes so fast in a baby’s life.
As soon as I have the impression of figuring out Aimé’s routine, it changes, sometimes radically.
As soon as I am delimiting the outer edges of what he can and cannot do, he learns new skills.
As soon as I think I am grasping some sort of essence of who he is, he transforms.
I can’t describe his personality yet.
It is always a challenge, trying to verbalize who someone really is, even oneself. But with each repetition, each story we add to the corpus of what we know, we build a narrative of who we are, we become who we are.
We are not the same as we used to be.
I am certainly not the same as I was before I had Paul. And before I lived through his death.
But Paul is always the same. Stuck in who he was when his life stopped. It hurts me to no end that he can never change. Never turn his routine upside down. Never take us by surprise. Never learn to crawl and to walk and to play with his little brother.
Forever who he was.
As I was writing this over the course of a few days (I am swamped with school work and trying to focus on that), I received this beautiful ornament in honor of Paul from the Remembering Together Ornament Swap. It seemed very fitting to share a picture here.
Since i don’t know how to contact the lovely Melissa who sent this to me, i will write here that i really appreciate your thoughts.
Thank you Melissa! xx
My post was inspired by The Prompt. Click here to read more posts around the word Forever…